Last night I saw what I thought was a dead bee lying on the tiled floor of the hallway. Thinking that the dogs may try to eat it, I bent down to pick it up and throw it outside.
As I gingerly held it, between finger and thumb, its body suddenly jolted and I instantly dropped it in shock only to then watch, appalled, as the bee's head sprouted legs and walked away!
What the f**k???
Incredulous, I bent closer still to then recoil in utter horror as I realised the walking bee's head was actually a huge spider. The spider that had been eating the dead bee. Total horror show.
And these are the things I see when I'm NOT drinking.
This would be a weird enough sight had it not been for another incident, several years ago in the far north of Queensland, Australia. I was sat upon a log in the jungle, having a relaxing smoke with the strange little fella that had offered to take me trekking for the day. As I was getting mightily chilled out and possibly a little too much so for the middle of the jungle, I was pinned to the log with outright fear as a gigantic hairy Aussie-style jungle spider appeared to be levitating through the air whilst buzzing loudly and aiming for my outstretched bare leg.
A few seconds of paralysis then the adrenalin kicked in and I jumped up just in time for the spider to land neatly on the log where I had been sat. It was so massive you could clearly see its eyes and it continued to buzz incessently. You know that feeling when what you are witnessing/hearing is so utterly unexpected that you feel faint and life takes on a dream-like patina? Well, it was like that for what seemed like a minute or so until I started to understand what was going on. The spider was dead (thank god) and it was being carried/dragged by wasps into a position where they could start to devour it.
And joined by swarms of ants, they duly did. I took photographs of the spider's rapidly shrinking body as the tiny inhabitants of the jungle log set about destroying it, leaving little more than its head.
So yesterday was a strange turn of events. Surely this all means something, though I'm buggered if I know what.
I do have the photos of the spider destruction but have just discovered that our Seagate external hard-drive, despite only being used as a 6-montly backup for our computer so hardly ever used, has died, taking with it ten years of my photographs. I am yet to accept that this is true. Don't ever buy one of these, they are total shit.